The Poodle (and dog) blog is almost a half century old (in dog years)

 

The years pass quickly when we’re having fun.

We’re celebrating our 7th year of celebrating the remarkable, the ordinary and the very funny dogs who live among us. And other topics…

Among the other topics, we keep finding dog stories that bring into question the superior intelligence of humans.

 

SO… as a public service to show appreciation to our readers and a retrospective Remembrance of Things Past, we have dug through the archives to find some of the things that people should not do. (Not that any of you would do these.)

 

 

1. Don’t bark at a police dog and insist that it is free speech when you get arrested. You will have to put on a shirt and tie and hire a lawyer and go to court. The lawyer will charge you a lot of money and will not be very good or he wouldn’t take a case like this one. (Post)

 

 

2. Don’t pee on the office door of a colleague from your department at a university, no matter how many differences you have with him. Surveillance cameras are easy to install. Even if you explain that you are an alpha dog marking your territory, a misdemeanor charge of urinating in public does not look good on an academic résumé. (Post)

 

 

3. If you are an animal rights organization with “United States” as part of your name, don’t come out with your own vegan dog food and outsource it to Paraguay. No one knows where Paraguay is, but it doesn’t sound like a good place to cook food. People will laugh at you and begin to understand what your vegan agenda is all about. (Post)

 

 

4. Dog poop is not free speech. Don’t send it to your congresswoman even if you disagree with her and are tired of receiving her mailers. You will be charged with a crime, have to hire a lawyer and go to court. You will be known as the Dog Poop Lady. (Post)

 

 

5. It might not be a good idea to take your dog to work if you are a burglar. If the dog is trapped in the place you have just robbed, in the morning he will lead the police directly to your home. (Post)

 

 

6. Even if you get a ticket for parking in front of your own home, don’t put dog poop in an envelope with your fine, your name, and your address. People who receive dog poop in an envelope have no sense of humor about it. You will be fined $2,921, given a 90-day jail sentence, and have to write a letter of apology to the person who opened the envelope. (Post)

 

 

7. Do not grab a bag from anyone walking a dog. If you think for a minute you will realize what is in it. (Post)

 

 

8. If you see a person with a guide dog coming toward you, step out of the way. Don’t just stand there to “see if the dog would walk around me” and allow your toe to be broken. And if you sue the non-profit organization that owns the dog, you can expect to receive enough angry calls that you will withdraw the suit. (Post)

 

 

9. Don’t register your dog to vote no matter how easy it is or what message you want to send. And don’t send in the ballot signed with a paw print even if it isn’t marked. These people have no sense of humor and you could be charged with a felony. (Post)

 

 

10. Don’t take a wiz through a knothole in a fence if you don’t know what is on the other side. It may be a playful puppy thinking he has found a new squirt toy. You will have to go to the hospital and explain what happened. You will suffer great pain and the embarrassment of having your name printed in newspapers and blogs like this all over the world. (Post)

 

 

11. Don’t try to smuggle drugs into jail hidden in your bra. Even if you put them in a balloon smeared with coffee, Vicks VapoRub and pepper, the dog will narc you out. A dog can distinguish between spaghetti sauce containing basil and one without. Never trifle with the nose of a dog. (Post)

 

 

12. Don’t flash your private parts at a woman walking a German Shepherd dog who doesn’t like men anyway. You will give new meaning to the term taking a bite out of crime. (Post)

 

 

13. No one has ever gotten a free purebred Bulldog or Yorkie puppy from a missionary in Nigeria or Cameroon, no matter how sincere they sound in their email or how much they love the puppy and just want to find a loving home. (Post)

 

 

14. If you’re taking part in a teachers’ protest rally at your state capital, don’t hold up a homemade sign that says, “UNIONS OUR MY CUP OF TEA.” (Post)

 

 

 

15. If you live in Minneapolis, don’t try to send a puppy through the mail to your son in Georgia even if there are no signs in the post office telling you not to do it. Then if you get arrested and go to court, don’t ask to get the puppy, the postage and the mailing box back. That will just keep you in the news for several more weeks. (Post)

 

Thanks for being our friends.

Comments

[Jerry]

Congratulations. I love your serious posts and I love your funny posts. Hope you have 7 more years.

[pam]

Happy Anniversary, Poodle (And Dog) Blog! We love you!

[Georgia Little Pea]

Jeez you're OLD lol! It never ceases to amaze me how and where you find your stories. Many of the humans here should be nominated for the Darwin. Congrats on keeping us informed and in stitches for 7 years! X

[Southern quebec]

Congratulations! You go girl...for another half century!

Roxy

[Jeff]

Thanks for the ongoing entertainment, and for reminding us of the neanderthals among us. I have to say the most enjoyable post I read was one that wasn't on your list, but one of the links off number 5. Meet Ciiji brightened my day.

Congratulations and thanks again!

[M.C.]

Seven years is quite a run! And this is quite a collection. Dog poop stories never get old, do they?

[Julie]

Happy Anniversary, Jan. Oh, there might be a small envelope in your mail today ... hahaha

[Joe Seiger]

Read you every post. First time to comment but happy 49th in dog years.

[Jodi]

Seven years! Congratulations Jan very nicely done. :-)

Unions ourn't my cup of tea either. :-)

[Pamela]

Yay! Congratulations on the big landmark!

Is it wrong for me to wish for continuous stupidity for you to skewer? Yes? I thought so. :)

[Hudson & Mary Jo]

Congrats to you for 7 amazing years of entertaining and educating your readers. I hope your still writing for a long time to come .....

[Sherry in MT]

Here's to 50 more dog years of blogging! :)

[yellowdoggranny]

happy anniversary..here's to many more.

[Donna and the Dogs]

Happy Blogiversary! Thanks for sharing all of those outrageous clips! You've got to wonder what goes on in people's minds sometimes!

[Sheba's life story.]

I've just come across from the Extreme pet bloggers blog hop to say hi.

Happy 7th Anniversary.

[Karen Friesecke]

Congrats on your blogiversary and excellent story round-up. My favorite is still the drunk guy barking at the police dog. Really bro....

[Khyra]

Khongrats!!!!!!!

Here's to another large pakhk of years -

Hugz&Khysses,
Khyra

[dog diapers]

Congratulation for 7th year anniversary........and waiting for your another blogging.

[diapers for dogs]

Wish you a happy anniversary. and hope for years after years.

[Denise W.]

great pOst..I read what you've posted well by the way my greeting are kinda late but Happy 7th Anniversary..were just here to listen...and wait for your new blogs..keep it up.:)

Campbelltown Vet