The Poodle (and Dog) Blog

Classic one-liners to tell at your next party

A three legged dog walks into a bar and says, "I'm looking for the guy that shot my paw."

A penguin walks into a bar, goes to the counter, and asks the bartender, "Have you seen my brother?" The bartender asks, "I don't know, what does he look like?"

A polar bear, a giraffe and a penguin walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"

A man walks into a bar and sits down next to a lady and a dog. The man asks, "Does your dog bite?" The lady answers, "Never!" The man reaches out to pet the dog and the dog bites him. The man says, "I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!" The woman replies, "He doesn't. This isn't my dog."

Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Would you like a beer?" Descartes replies, "I think not", then disappeared.

Shakespeare walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. "I can't serve you." says the bartender. "You're Bard!"

A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Have you seen my feathers?" The bartender answers, "They're down around your ankles."

A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "Gimme a beer and a mop."

A dyslexic walks into a bra

Two baby seals walk into a club.

These are pretty much guaranteed to clear out the room.

Rent-a-Dog

Or maybe this is more like a Doggie Time Share.

Bear with me, this is not as weird as it sounds.

A new California company, Flexpet, is an alternative to full time dog ownership. A person may not have the time or suitable living arrangements, may travel extensively, or may have any number of reasons not to take full time responsibility for a dog.

So here’s how Flexpet works: After paying a registration and membership fees, members can choose to spend hours or days with their choice of dogs. There are various breeds and mixed breeds to choose from. The dogs have all vaccinations and are given health check ups by a veterinarian every three months. They are trained in obedience and some are certified as therapy dogs. Each is fitted with a GPS device. All food and treats are supplied.

And here is the best part: All of the Flexpet dogs are rescued or rehomed dogs. Part of the money members pay goes to rescuing and training new dogs that otherwise might be destroyed.

These are the costs:

§ A registration fee of $150 covers a one-hour session with a trainer.
§ An annual maintenance charge of $99.99
§ A monthly membership fee of $49.95
§ A time charge of $39.95 weekends and $24.95 weekdays.

Flexpet is currently available in Los Angeles and San Diego, but new locations are scheduled to open soon in Manhattan, San Francisco, and London.

More information on Flexpet

$1.5 million for Tinkerbell Hilton’s empty dog food can on eBay?

This has to be the stupidest story of the year even though it has to be a hoax.

Two people in Uncle Sam masks lifted six bags of trash from the home of she who will not be named on this blog, and are now auctioning the contents off on eBay.

For a while bidders were bidding what the items, an empty dog food can, used airline tickets and a bright red toothbrush, were worth--$0.

But WCBS-TV is reporting that an empty can of Party Animal "Organic" Gourmet Dog Food had reached more than $1,500,301 as of 11 a.m. Wednesday.

Uh huh.

Idaho dog drives car into a river

Mark Ewing had just returned home from picking up a pizza when a strange series of events occurred. Charlie, his black Lab, jumped through the window into the car, apparently knocking the vehicle into neutral and sending it down the driveway into the river.

Not being a stupid dog, Charlie jumped out before the Chevy Impala landed in the water.

‘‘There’s nothing weirder than looking at your car cruising down your driveway when you’re not in it and seeing your dog jump out and then watching your car go splash,’’ Ewing said.

But then things got even weirder when the tow truck showed up. The driver asked Ewing to hold his false teeth before diving into the water to hook the car up to the truck.

‘‘My car’s in the drink, I’ve got dentures in my hand and this guy Keith from Clyde’s Towing goes swimming,’’ Ewing noted.

Source

Doggie Divot—indoor potty for small dogs

Your tiny dog has tiny internal organs and makes tiny tinkle and tiny…well, you get the idea. This could be what you are looking for.

An indoor potty for little dogs might make life easier for both of you. No more crossing its legs while waiting for you to get home. No more trips outside for both of you when it’s cold and dark. No more unexpected messes, just expected ones that are easy to clean up.

The Doggie Divot can be placed in your bathroom or kitchen, motor homes or yacht. It has a tray, artificial grass and disposable pads.

I did a post a while back for an indoor doggie loo that was a little pricy and quite a bit larger, but the Doggie Divot is meant to be used only by small dogs and the price seems reasonable, a lot less than hiring a dog walker.

My only question is how can this work for small male dogs? They like to mark territory as high as they can reach without actually falling over,

Doggie Divot with a 3 month supply of pads is $49.99 at this website.

Seattle woman to be arraigned on charge of registering her dog to vote

This woman is my hero.

Jane Balogh, a Seattle grandmother, thought the voting system in Washington state made voter fraud easy, so she decided to draw attention to the flaws that allowed non-citizens to vote.

She registered her dog, Duncan, an Australian Shepherd-Terrier mix, as a voter in 2006. By putting her phone bill in Duncan’s name, she used it for identification when she applied for an absentee ballot for him.

Duncan submitted absentee ballots in the September and November 2006 and the May 2007 elections, but he didn’t vote for any candidates. “VOID” was written across the ballots. Instead of a signature, the ballot included a picture of a paw print, which is how she was finally caught.

Chances are if Duncan had actually signed the ballot instead of putting his paw print on it…oh, wait, never mind.

Ms. Balogh told the Seattle Times, "I wasn't trying to do anything fraudulent, I was trying to prove that our system is flawed. So I got myself in trouble."

If she pleads not guilty she could face a felony charge, but she said, "I'm not going to claim to be innocent when I know I'm guilty.” She will probably face a misdemeanor charge for making a false statement to a public official, which will likely include a fine and community service.

Personally I think she has already performed a valuable community service by pointing out how easy it is for non-citizens to register and vote. Perhaps she can work to challenge other false registrations.

Hopefully rules will be changed in the state of Washington so that not just any name with a landline account, even if the name is Fluffy, Prince, Spike, or Fido, will be eligible to vote in our elections.

Besides Duncan, Ms. Balogh lives with four other dogs and four cats, none of which have registered to vote or probably even subscribed to Martha Stewart Living.

There are no plans to charge Duncan as an accessory.

Complete story from the Seattle Times

Elwood crowned “World’s Ugliest Dog” 2007

After losing a close contest last year to Archie, Elwood triumphed as World’s Ugliest Dog at the Marin-Sonoma County Fair. Elwood is a two-year old Chinese Crested-Chihuahua mix. He won over the crowd and the judges with his Mohawk, his bug eyes and his long, wagging tongue. (Click pictures to enlarge...if you're sure you want to.)

Elwood belongs to Karen Quigley, a resident of New Jersey. Ms.Quigley rescued him from his breeder who was going to euthanize him because she didn't think anyone would want a dog that ugly.

Ugly is in the eye of the beholder and his owner thinks “he’s the cutest thing that ever lived.” Like ET and Yoda who Elwood resembles, some creatures that may seem ugly at first, can become endearingly attractive when we get to know them.

Proceeds from the Ugly Dog Contest go to benefit homeless dogs in the Marin-Sonoma area.

Source

Update on the dog poop for parking ticket guy

A Minnesota man, Joshua Steven Solberg, was angry about receiving a parking ticket in front of his home so he put dog poop in the envelope with the ticket and deposited it in the assigned receptacle.

Definitely not wise.

He has been fined $2,921 and given a 90-day jail sentence that was stayed for a year. If he behaves himself for the next year, he won’t have to explain to other inmates what he is in jail for.

He must also write a letter of apology to the court employee who processed the payment envelope and was subsequently hospitalized for two days.

Source

Today is Take Your Dog to Work Day

Nearly one in five companies allow pets in the workplace, according to a recent survey.

The belief is that it provides a more creative, productive and stress free environment; decreases absenteeism; helps employees and managers get along better; and encourages people to work longer hours.

At the Humane Society of the United States, every day is Take Your Dog to Work Day, but ironically it wasn't always that way. They changed the policy after studying the issue for many months.

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Liquid soap to remove ticks-- not a good idea

Although the liquid soap method of removing ticks does make them drop off, it also may stimulate them to release saliva which may contain harmful diseases that ticks are known to carry. They carry Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever and Lyme Disease which have occurred in many parts of the country. It isn't worth the risk to use the soap method even if you don't live in an area of high tick infestation.

The best method is still to use tweezers, grasp the tick close to the body and pull it straight out. Apply antiseptic and keep the tick in an enclosed jar with the date in case symptoms of a disease occur.