To: the dogs - From: the human

This was sent to me by Ralph who owns three large house retrievers. Gee, Ralph, I hope this approach works out for you.

To: the dogs
From: the human

1. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible.

2. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

3. The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate does not stake a claim for it becoming your food, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

4. The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

5. For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years--canine attendance is not mandatory.

6. The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog’s butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Your attention to these matters is appreciated,
Sincerely,
the human

Comments

[Samcity]

I'm posting this immediatly.

[KelleighK]

I really need to read this to my boys, lol! Not that they'd pay an insy bit of notice!

[Simply Jenn]

For my household I would add:

It is absolutely not in any way required or even necessary to make sure and roll in every single puddle in the yard. You most definitely are not MORE attractive so covered in mud we can't tell what color you are. Just....Stop!

[rosemary]

Proof that dogs really do rule in some homes!...adding to Simply Jenn's comment....The best place to potty is not necessarily in the mud bog that you have to go out of your way to reach...there are a few other places left in the yard.

[Chandira]

LOL.. Yes, Cats do the bathroom thing and the stairs thing too.

Still no chicken Jan, she might well have been a poulty-geist.. She's gone again.. Typical. lol

[jackie]

I'm convinced that Annie is in cahoots with my kids for a cut of the will..she is bound and determined to trip me up and kill me..dining on my body until someone discovers me...

[Marianne]

Excellent...I feel very glad to know I don't own the only bathroom hounds in the world.

[Coll]

For the first time in many years I now have a rather large dog in my household. I find myself relating to practically every item mentioned. :-)

[Doggy Mama]

First of all, that photo is ADORABLE!

Second, this is a hilarious post. #1 especially hits home... my husband and I bought a king sized bed so that we could actually fit on our bed with the dogs, and there are still some nights when we have to contort our bodies in unnatural ways so that we don't disturb the pups!

[Tracey]

I definitely need to give my dogs a copy of this one! They definitely overstep the boundaries more often than I'd like them to.

[Ruizhu]

<>

Agreed!

[Marion]

I've posted a copy of this one, right on the fridge at nose level! lol

[Laura]

All of these work for my dog. I could also add "I know that the Dog pose in Yoga was created after watching a dog. You don't need to show just how well you do that pose every time you get up. We both know you're just showing off."

[Janey Loree]

I laughed so much on this one the tears started rolling!!!

[Faith]

ROFL I'm sending this to my sister, she'll love it.