Diary of a dog / Diary of a cat

Monday giggles. Thanks to Dan for sending this.

As seen in a dog's diary:
7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9 am - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
Noon - Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
2 pm - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
3 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
4 pm - Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favorite!
7 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favorite!
8 pm - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9 pm - Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favorite!
11 pm - Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favorite!

As seen in a cat's diary:
Day 183 of my captivity...

My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from clawing the furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.

Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded - must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair - must try this on their bed.

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear in their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More important, I overheard that my confinement was due to my powers of inducing "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured.

But I can wait; it is only a matter of time.

Comments

[Tina]

I swear my dog and cat wrote these!!!

[Daniel]

HAHAHAHAHA :) That was a very very interesting read!

[Tracey]

How true that is! I currently have a couple of dogs, but have also owned cats and I think you've definitely nailed all of their thought processes!!

[Coll]

This is too funny. Thank you for this morning smile. :-)

[rosemary]

Love these...and my cat probaly sent Dan a message while I was sleeping...she was sleeping on the keyboard this morning.

[Laura]

That was definitely written by my dog. The looks that the eldest cat sometimes gives me probably means she wrote the second one.

[jackie]

annie loves the new apt...she can reach places she couldn't before..i heard a noise coming from my bedroom and she was on top of my dresser..sitting...calmly knocking everything on the top of the dresser onto the floor..methodically...peacefully...and looked me right in the eye the whole time she was doing it..daring me to do something..i bipped her..

[Monica Nickoles]

Xaxa:) cats are not so evil and uninteresting as you describe them. They actually could be very loving creatures no matter of the breed. It depends how you treat them (like people):)

[Daniel]

That is the funniest thing I have ever read.

[Tasuhun]

Hallo everybody! I want say, that for you good site, successes to you

[Sequetta]

Well at first I thought I was just thinking my cat was trying to take me out!!!lol Now I know she is....