Neuticles—artificial testicles for neutered animals

This seems to be the way a dog owner can reassure his male dog that absolutely nothing happened while he was asleep at the veterinarian’s. I use the masculine pronoun for the owner here because this seems to be more of a “guy thing.”

Surveys of men who own dogs show that they are often reluctant to take their dogs in for neutering since this involves the removal of the dog’s testicles.

A vasectomy is rarely performed on dogs since it is expensive and simply means the dog can’t sire puppies without causing any other behavioral changes.

For people who believe neutering will leave the animal looking maimed or “unwhole,” an answer may be Neuticles, an internal prosthetic for animal testicles.

According to their website, over 100,000 animals all over the world have been implanted with Neuticles since 1995 without a single complication. Each pet is insured for up to $2 million against any complication. Neuticles use solid silicone technology so there is no danger of leakage in the body of the dog.

Neuticles are available in three models of firmness, in sizes to fit any size dog. They should be implanted when the dog is neutered in a short two or three minute procedure, but in most cases Neuticles can be implanted years later.

About 30 days after neutering (removing the testicles) the testosterone in the dog’s system is depleted. The dog will normally become calmer and less aggressive. He will be less likely to roam or to mark his territory. Neuticles do not affect this change of behavior.

Prices for Neuticles start at $159, including handling (giggle…sorry…), delivery, and related charges.

For more information: U.S. or Canada call toll-free 1-888-638-8425.
International customers dial 1-816-690-8337.
E-mail Neuticles@aol.com

Comments

[pam]

You didn't say if the vet would be handling the balls in her office, or if we the pet owners would handle them at home.

Heh. You're right; this was fun.

[Marion]

Neuticals...this was funny! Thanks for this post...I had never heard of this one before!

[Rhea]

This sounds so kooky!

[Ed]

Great idea I wouldnt expect women to understand.

[Laura]

You have got to be kidding me! Too funny!

[tinytimbo]

The more I read the better the whole idea sounded.

[Faith]

Yep, definitely a guy thing. That's hilarious!

[Deb & Roo]

This is the funniest, most absurd thing I've ever heard of! Please, guys (meaning, men) give it up! :)

[Brian Walker]

Reading all these comments from women confirms what I've always known about what women would like to do to men.

[Laura]

How do people decide what size to get? The last male dog I had wasn't neutered until he was full grown but the male dog before that was neutered as a puppy. He still had a lot of growing to do. Wouldn't he have looked odd with full grown dog testis on a half grown puppy?

Just asking.

[jan]

Good question, Laura.
Anyone want to take that one? Uh...cough...guys?

[jackie]

my dog bill was about 7-8 years old before i got him fixed..he and his mrs...they both were kind of groggy and wobby and when he got home he slept for about 2 hours and then he got up went outside and peed..came in house and went to lick his balls and nearly fell over..he kept sniffing and looking..i swear he got up and made a circle in the middle of the floor like he was looking for them...for about a month afterwards he always did a sort of double take when he went to lick himself....

[Bobbie]

Are you ----ing me?? Prosthetic balls for dogs!?? Kids are starving in other parts of the world and let me get this perfectly straight: we're talking about putting prosthetic balls on neutered dogs so the male owner's (fragile) ego won't rupture? That's absolutely sick!

B. Ingersoll

[SweetHD]

I'm astonished that people are saying this is a "male thing". Is it b/c so many males are focused on taking love drugs, and male organ enhancements including penile implants? I am a woman, all-woman, and the only reason I haven't gotten my dog fixed is because I'm still researching to determine whether fake cahoongas are safe enough for him. From one vet, I heard "don't do it if he has an active lifestyle" and frm another respected vet, I heard, " do it if you want, I think it's a great decision, and I've heard nothing negative" The positive vet is female, and the negative vet is male. Personally, I wanted a boy dog, not a girl, and along with the boy comes his balls. Without them, I won't look at him in the same way: it's a part of his body and personality, and I want them replaced if the fake ones are safe. I remember the first day he raised his leg and "peed like a man" and I called everyone in my phone book to share the great news! LOL I have one of the most controversial breeds of the millenium, so why not give all these discriminators something more to bitch about by purchasing him a nice shiny pair to replace his cute little polka-dotted ones, which I will miss so badly! Call me sick: he's my little boy, and he always will be, balls or no balls, but I prefer him with... the fake ones will be for ME more than for him. call it selfish. Perhaps I am, but my choice is not to take his balls away, it's to take his testosterone away. The guilt of me cutting off part of his manhood goes deep, but I know I must do it, for everyone's own good, his health, and in hopes of decreasing the aggression it creates within the other male dogs who are still intact who want to bite his balls off themselves b/c they are jealous (not really) but it's something that must be done. If anyone has heard anything negative or unsafe, pls let me know: sweethd@aol.com

[Test oz Tarone]

I haven't laughed so hard online, funny stuff. xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[gg]

Wow SweetHD...you are a rescuer, and you don't understand why you should neuter your male? Idiot.

[mark]

To all the women out there, Would you be happy to have a breast removed or both??? What makes you a WOMEN to the outside world, Why cant you understand how this effects the male.

Yes i am a MAN and married with a daughter.
And yes i KNOW its a dog, now look up what the packing order is in the canine field or like my boy a Alaskan Mallamute

My dog is going in next week for the op but not for the Neuticles ill just give the vet a couple of billiard balls instead but come on ladies look at it from out side your simple its a male thing box!!!!!!!

[psm_pets]

Pretty interesting test but there is no direct health concerns with it, just a psychological thing that dog think he still has it.

[Obat Herbal]

How do people decide what size to get? The last male dog I had wasn't neutered until he was full grown but the male dog before that was neutered as a puppy. He still had a lot of growing to do. Wouldn't he have looked odd with full grown dog testis on a half grown puppy?

[Common Sense]

Well, Common Sense takes yet another huge slap in the face from the cold, dead hand of stupidity. Come on, whats next? Prosthetic surgery to make yourself look really, really dumb? Same result, less money.

Word the **** up on that.