Dog rules for house guests

You are welcome to visit my house as long as you abide by the rules.

1. Do not expect that they will put me outside during your visit.
2. My house. My fur. My dander. If you have allergies, take a pill or stay away.
3. If you don’t want hair on your clothes, don’t sit on the “fur”-niture.
4. My ears and tail are not toys for your children.
5. Anything dropped on the floor is mine after 1 second.
6. During dinner I will lie quietly under the chair of the messiest eater.
7. Please feel free to drink lots of beer. Drunks drop more food.
8. That thing where you pretend to throw something and then hide it behind your back…not funny.
9. The spot in front of the door is reserved for me. Walk around.
10. When it comes to protecting my family against outsiders, I have no sense of humor. You are an outsider. Keep that in mind.

While you are here I am not supposed to

                        Jump up and lick your face
                        Sniff your crotch
                        Eat grass and barf
                        Hunch your leg
                        Lick my balls
                        Use your lap for a towel

Please keep in mind my sacrifices and obey the rules.

                                   Sincerely,
                                  The dog

Comments

[Sally]

Perfect! I'm posting these on my door right now.

[dogface]

I wish people without dogs would understand these

[schnoodlepooh]

good rules for dogs and guests to live by.

[Laura]

Love it! Too bad my dog doesn't make any sacrifices. She is getting better, though.

[Carina]

Oh, I love that! I've seen a similar list before, but this one is much better.

[jackiesue j]

returning the favor after you visit to the my blog....your funny too...i want that list for guests and i don't even have a dog any more..but i may go get me another one just to put the rules up.....come back and see me..ill be back to visit again for sure..jackie

[jillbryant]

Oh - the "fur"niture - that's where the name came from. It explains so many of my problems with black wool pants...

[Nickie]

I'd love to post these on my dorm room door. I don't usually have too much trouble, though because everyone misses their dogs and they want to play with him

[Therese]

I love it! I'd have to add one more though...

It's my cat and I can pick on her anytime I want to, but you need to leave her alone.

[Jill]

Love it! Now I just need to make up some rules for Lady and Daisy!

[ABlondeBlogger]

Oh my gosh, I LOVE this!!! "Fur" niture...ha!

My MIL needs to see this. She's the one who won't sit on our couch because our dog sits on it. UGH!

[mags]

These are great. My dog would agree with every one of them!

[Faith]

These really are great and I love em! I'm so posting these on the door of my house :D

[Candace]

WONderful post! Pet people rule.

[HART (1-800-HART)]

#5 isn't a dog rule .. it's a factual point. In our kitchen, Sophie likes to stand below our feet, leaning against the cupboards while we prepare our salads, dinners, etc. This way .. if anything DOES fall - it lands on her and she knows we 'ain't gonna eat if after it lands on her back or head!

[Dog House]

We recently had two lively terriers terrorizing our house. There was barking, peeing on the floor, jumping on the furniture and trying to get food scraps out of the garbage. We love the dogs and they will be back to visit soon. I have the new rules posted (just have to teach my furry friends how to read)!