The Poodle (and Dog) Blog

Two of the happiest books in the world

Ruff Ride

If words like downturn, stimulus, unemployment, and recession are working with winter doldrums to wear on you or someone you know, Ruff Ride by Shawn and Lynel Berryhill is a book for you.

While profound quotations may inspire us, funny quotes can change our moods from dour to cheery. Team the quotations with the most expressive pictures of dogs and you’re on you’re on the road to replacing fear and depression with smiles and giggles.

“I want either less frivolous spending or more that comes my way.”

“If you can’t lead…bully.”

The authors were inspired to put together this collection when their lazy dog got scared by his own fart. Seeing the humor in a situation allows us to find solutions to hopeless problems.

This is the perfect gift for anyone who feels overwhelmed by the times we live in. 

Dog joy: the happiest dogs in the universe

This little gem is the product of the publishers of Bark magazine. Of the tens of thousands of pictures of smiling dogs that have been sent to them over the years, they have picked 500 of the best smilers. Some of the smiles are sweet, some are goofy. Some of them look like they are enjoying a punch line before the joke is even told.

Probably none of the dogs will ever win a fancy rosette or a big trophy, but their owners don’t care because the dogs bring joy and happiness just by being in their lives. Many of the photos are accompanied by short profiles.

My personal favorite is two dogs discussing obedience school. One says, “Yeah, it’s a great class, but I don’t feel like I’m learning anything I’m going to use in the real world.”

This is a book that would be enjoyed by all ages.

New Year’s Resolutions for the Human written by the Cat

Last year the dogs wrote New Year’s Resolutions for the cat (which she, of course, ignored).

In the interest of fairness, this year our cat Taki has written New Year’s Resolutions for the human. (That would be me.) 

• I will accept that I am the staff to the cat who is in all ways a superior being.
• I will understand that the only function of the dogs is to assure that quadrupeds outnumber bipeds in the house.
• All doors will remain open at all times.
• Whenever the cat indicates the need to be worshipped, I will stop what I am doing and comply.
• Offerings of headless rodents with trailing entrails will be greeted with shrieks of delight and sincere praise. 
• When the cat walks across our bodies at 3 am, I will be delighted to realize that I live with such an amazing nocturnal creature. 
• I will keep the cat food dish filled at all times. Telling her to go find a mouse to eat is not funny.
• Any place the cat sits or lies is her throne du jour. 
• I will realize that having her chase a laser light is sophomoric humor.
• I will be grateful every day that Taki has not peed in my shoes, knowing that she could.

Who remembers the Y2K bug?

It’s hard to believe that it was only ten years ago when we were being warned that the turn of a new century could cause widespread inconvenience/ problems/ terror/ panic/ destruction/ death/ world cataclysm/ total annihilation of civilization.

This was all because to save memory programmers in the 1960’s  referred to the date by the last two digits of a year instead of all four. So the thinking was that when 00 comes up for the year 2000, computers might view it as 1900 instead of 2000.

This “Y2K bug,” as it was called, could cause major problems in computer systems worldwide, even our own personal computers. Any part of our world that was computerized (and that was pretty much every part of our world) was in danger of massive FAIL.

Estimates of dealing with the bug worldwide were between $300 billion and $600 billion (and that probably didn’t even include taxes, tips, fees, gratuities, surcharges, and dealer prep).

We were told that water, electricity, and communications systems could shut down. Government departments and corporations could be brought to a standstill. Airplanes could fall out of the skies.

We were told that our 1990’s era PC's would think it was 1900 and we would lose our data unless we bought a new computer or paid to have our old one made Y2K compliant. Computer stores and “consultants” made a lot of money.

Our toasters were safe because they didn’t know what year it was anyway.

In the days leading up to 2000, supermarkets shelves were stripped of bottled water and toilet paper. People were checking out with baskets piled high with canned foods. People were buying generators and guns. No one wanted to fly.

When January 1, 2000 came, we had water, electricity, radio, TV, telephone and when I booted up my (non-compliant) computer it said January 1, 2000. The world went on as before.

Those of us who have lived through bomb shelter marketing, dire prediction in the 1970’s about the Coming Ice Age, a forecast of Nuclear Winter as a result of the Gulf War, not to mention all the various pandemics through the years—we have a problem believing cataclysmic warnings.

Especially when money and power are involved.

Y2K jokes  Y2K cartoons

“Ve need vater…ve need vater…ve need vater”

The recent “60 Minutes” opened with an embarrassing scene of Governor Schwarzenegger cheerleading a rally last summer of thousands of farm workers and growers who were protesting water being withheld from land in the Central Valley.

Prime farmland is drying up because environmentalists insist on protecting a non-endangered, non-indigenous bait fish.

There IS water in irrigation canals, but it is going into the ocean instead of the farmland.

The Governor led the crowd in chanting,

“Ve need vater…ve need vater….ve need vater,” at the rally.

It looked kind of silly, but you never know what will work till you try it. So I called the humans and dogs into the kitchen and chanted:

“Ve vant food…ve vant food…ve vant food…”

They all looked at me like “…shouldn’t someone (you) be getting out some pots and pans, boiling water, sautéing something, opening a can, instead of—whatever it is you are doing?”

The chanting didn’t work any better for me than it did for the Governator. Maybe he should try a different approach like actually working to get the pumps turned on instead of trying to be on both sides.

We can all expect to be paying more for food which will need to be imported from other countries—more expensive, lower quality.

Emergency rations were brought in this summer to feed the farm workers and their families who have no work because there are no crops. Among the food brought in were several large boxes from China.

A defender of the fish said that farmers will have to start growing crops that didn’t need to be watered every year.

Huh?

The Wolf in the Parlor—A review

In September I received an advance copy of the book The Wolf in the Parlor: The Eternal Connection between Humans and Dogs by Jon Franklin.

And while it did look intriguing at the time, I found it to be very much a cold weather book, the sort of book that commands attention while I’m curled up with dogs on a dark, rainy day with nothing outside to distract us.

Why is it natural to have a descendant of the wolf, not only in our parlors, but curled up on our couches, our laps, and at the foot of our beds? What is the connection between the primate human and the canine?

The author’s curiosity about the relationship is set off by a picture of a prehistoric human skeleton reaching out to a puppy skeleton. It becomes an image that he cannot get out of his mind.

Franklin is a science reporter, the winner of two Pulitzer prizes, with a commanding knowledge of sciences. He has the curiosity of a good reporter without presenting theory as facts as some scientists seem inclined to do.

Here are the facts, he says, and I can interpret them the way I want because, well, this is my book.

In the beginning Franklin has had only the most casual relationships with dogs. Then he proposes to Lynn, the love of his life, and agrees to her condition: it’s time to get a puppy. With typical male macho-ness he is appalled to learn that the puppy is to be a Poodle. But she explains that this is like the big black Poodle that John Steinbeck traveled with. They even name him Charley.

With a prejudice that the title of this blog might explain, I can’t help wondering if the book would have even been written if Lynn had chosen, for example, an Afghan or a Bloodhound, instead of a breed whose intelligence and perception can be daunting to humans.

Franklin takes his place as the omega dog in the pack with Lynn as the alpha and Charlie the Poodle as family member and eventually therapy dog. Franklin is introduced to the world of dog people as he sets out on a quest to find out why dogs are such an important part of societies all over the world. It would be a quest that would occupy him for over ten years.

He explores the symbiotic relationship between the early human, the wolf and the “wolf follower” who would eventually become domesticated, not by humans, but by nature, an important distinction.

Franklin is totally likable, the book is well written, entertaining, and informative, but there are a few times when he is like a learned mentor on a tangent, taking us into areas that are fascinating, but we would like for him to get back to his controlling idea. He is at his best when he listens to the dogs.

Dogs understand in their doggy way that we are one with them, that humans and dogs long ago formed a pact. As the brain of both grew measurably smaller, neither of us is complete without the other.

The dog agreed to carry an emotional weight for both of us. Our ancestors agreed, in return to do the thinking for the dog. As long as we insist on ignoring our part of the bargain, our best efforts will always fall to pieces because rather than acknowledge the human’s responsibility, we blame the dog. Thoughtless acts committed by dogs can only be dealt with by homing in on the animal who’s supposed to be doing the thinking.

And that would be us. This is very much a book about what makes us human.

Here’s what happened to that Christmas card I sent to you

Or why email (and blogging) was invented

Mail carriers must make little dogs feel like a raging pack of Rottweilers. They approach the house. The tiny dog barks most ferociously. They leave immediately. And just in case they don't get the message, there's this show of strength and fury...

Thanks to Denny for the video

(No) Fleas Navidog

Merry Christmas from The Poodle (and dog) blog

No Poodle or dog was injured or humiliated in the making of this post; fortunately, they don’t know anything about this post.

Moosletoe

By Will Bullas

Posted with the permission of the artist

I met Will several years ago at a reception in a local gallery for which I was doing some marketing. He is as delightful as his paintings. Artist receptions can be stuffy and pretentious. This is the first time I’ve ever been to a reception for an artist where people were laughing out loud at the clever works of the artist.

Although he does paint serious subjects, it is his animal paintings and clever word play that set him apart from other artists. Each painting is accompanied by a one liner that contrasts the innocence of animals with the not always so innocent world of humans.

Dog rules for house guests

As we approach the holidays--and the ones we celebrate are Winter Solstice (because of a primordial fear that the sun won't come back), Christmas (in the traditional way), and the New Year (because it's been a sucky year for a lot of people).

Anyway since this is the time of year when people may be having more company, we thought we should review rules for house guests as written by the dog.

  You are welcome to visit my house as long as you abide by the rules.

1. Do not expect that they will put me outside during your visit.

2. My house. My fur. My dander. If you have allergies, take a pill or stay home.

3. If you don’t want hair on your clothes, don’t sit on the “fur”-niture.

4. My ears and tail are not toys for your children.

5. We abide by the 1 second rule in this house. Anything dropped on the floor is mine after 1 second.

6. During dinner I will lie quietly under the chair of the messiest eater.

7. Please feel free to drink lots of beer. Drunks drop more food.

8. That thing where you pretend to throw something and then hide it behind your back…not funny.

9. The spot in front of the door is reserved for me. Walk around.

10. When it comes to protecting my family against outsiders, I have no sense of humor. You are an outsider. Keep that in mind.

While you are here I am not supposed to

Jump up and lick your face

Sniff your crotch

Eat grass and barf

Hunch your leg

Lick my balls

Use your lap for a towel

Please keep in mind my sacrifices and obey the rules.

Sincerely, The dog

Chihuahua helps catch burglary suspects

Four-pound Bella isn’t a police dog but she isn’t a wimpy purse dog either.

She is credited with helping catch two bad guys who were being pursued by the police in Florida. She did it by doing what Chihuahuas do best, barking.

She and her owner, Sgt. John Bonafair, an off duty police officer, were taking a walk when they came face to face with the suspect. Bonafair and Bella took off in pursuit.

"Bella stayed with me and began barking and consequently alerted the other officers to where I was at, and they were able to successfully apprehend him and take him into custody," according to Bonafair.

Police arrested two men accused of stealing a purse from a nearby mall. Mitchell Knight, 18, and Alonzo Johnson, 26 are suspected in a number of burglary cases. Source and video

It is unknown whether Bella will continue to fight crime.

Aerial attacks on small dogs

Fortunately they are rare, but two recent bizarre attacks by great horned owls have taken place in different parts of the country.

One dog was taken on a flight through the Iowa night and the other was attacked in Washington while still on a leash. Both dogs survived, but owners should be aware that something from above may be waiting to make an entrée of their little companion.

Sadie, a tiny Pomeranian, survived a two mile night flight over Davenport, Iowa in the clutches of an owl bent on a meal of Pomeranian Stroganoff.

It all started when Sadie got spooked by fireworks and ran into a nearby woods. When next we hear from Sadie, she is dropping out of the night sky right in front of Jamie Padden’s car as she was stopped at a sign on a city street. Padden watched in horror as the owl tried to snatch back the little dog who was scrambling to escape.

“I opened my car door and ran screaming at that owl,” she says. “It was after the dog. That owl was so big I swear that its wings spread halfway across the street. That sounds overdramatic, but it’s true.”

Padden was able to shoo the owl away and rescue Sadie. She called the police, sure that no one was going to believe her. They did, and the next morning McCarten was reunited with her very lucky little dog. 

As the owl flies, Sadie’s flight covered between 24 to 30 city blocks. She was scruffed up, but suffered nothing worse than bruises and a broken tail. source

Earlier this month Sarah Miller from Spokane was walking her nine pound mini Pinscher, Mary Lou, on a leash when an owl swooped down and tried to carry the dog away. She believes the owl was scoping her out from a roof top because she had only been out for a couple of minutes. Mary Lou had puncture wounds on her neck and shoulders but no life threatening injuries.  source

Great horned owls can stand 24 inches high. They are well endowed as predators as you can see by their talons. Their usual diet is rodents and skunks, but they can easily pick up rabbits, cats, and small dogs.